


A Hard Egg to Crack

by TinyOctopus



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Plug, BYOT: Bring Your Own Tissues, Bad Puns, Banter, Blow Job, Bondage, Crack Treated Seriously, Easter, Egg Puns Everywhere, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Fluff, Golden Age of Overwatch, Humor, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyOctopus/pseuds/TinyOctopus
Summary: In which a missing ovate anal plug leads to an eggscellent eggsperience and Ana isdefinitelygoing to kill them if she ever finds out what happened.





	A Hard Egg to Crack

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this is the angstiest piece I have ever written. Also, there are egg puns.

Oh, Gabriel was going to love this, Jack was absolutely, positively certain. 

Grinning to himself at the display, Jack finished tying the ribbon around the Easter basket with two quick tugs. Anticipation simmering low and warm in his veins as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. Really, he was the best husband _ever_ and he should be rewarded for his thoughtfulness. When he next saw Gabriel, he would be sure to point that out.

Aside from the expected holiday-appropriate chocolate, Jack had filled the colorful woven basket with four of every kind and color of Peep, and enough Kinder Eggs that Gabriel _probably_ wouldn't hoard them. Probably. If he was lucky. This year, there were hopefully enough sweets that Jack could actually eat some before they disappeared into Gabriel's secret-but-not-so-secret stash hidden inside his sock drawer. While Jack had _assumed_ he had permission to take an occasional square of chocolate—what with them being _married_ and all—he hadn't quite realized that the 'Reyes Emergency Comfort Box' was _still_ off-limits even after over a decade of cohabitation.

Beneath the impressive assortment of chocolate and other sweets, Jack had hidden a few surprises for them to enjoy when they could find some time to be alone. They were two adults in a sexually-active and loving marriage and it was his goddamn right to splurge on kitschy, holiday-themed adult toys for them to test, inevitably bitch about, and then laugh over together, like they'd done over the chocolate-flavored lube Gabriel had bought for Valentine's Day. 

It had tasted like chemicals and turned into a tacky, God-awful mess that required _at least_ three cycles in the wash to get out of the sheets, so hopefully the brand he had bought for later would be different. If not, Jack would make it up to Gabriel by letting him paint him with the edible chocolate body paint. This time, he wouldn't even complain when the other man drew dicks on his ass, assuming he actually cleaned them off with his mouth this time. 

Cellophane crinkled as he shifted the carton of egg-shaped cock sleeves to the side, trying to hide them more discreetly beneath the giant dark chocolate bunny. Jack frowned when a shower of smaller, thumbnail-sized chocolate eggs rolled into a conspicuous divot in the plastic fake grass lining the bottom of the basket. That was strange. There shouldn't have been a—wait. That was the _only_ thing missing. He knew he had put it inside the basket last night, so where the hell had it gone? 

A few weeks ago, he'd bought a new vibrating plug for them to try out, the kind either controlled by an old-fashioned remote or an application on a tablet. After Jack had broached the idea several months prior, Gabriel had said it would be useful for making sure Jack paid attention in the meetings or when either one of them went off-base. Jack had thought Easter would be the perfect time to give it, as the plug was rather egg-like in shape—if nothing else, Gabriel would have gotten a laugh out of it. His pulse began to race as he removed the basket's contents, searched through them, and replaced them back inside. The plug wasn't anywhere to be found. 

_He wasn't going to panic._

After all, he had probably left it in his office, and when he went to check his desk, he'd no doubt find it in the top drawer. He still had time before the Overwatch Easter egg hunt around the base they had organized for the agents' children—and on further consideration, for the employees as well, since their parents would no doubt participate and 'help' their children collect the greatest amount of plastic eggs. Because Easter egg hunts were Serious Business™ on the same level as recovery from natural disasters, anti-Omnic protests, and ending global poverty. 

A series of sudden, loud bangs drew Jack from his thoughts, and before he could so much as glance at the door to his quarters, it slid open with a metallic hiss. Another time, he would ask how Fareeha managed to override the lock—no doubt, he knew, with help from Brigitte—but he hurried to block the basket behind him, in case he hadn't quite been able to discreetly hide the adult presents beneath enough chocolate to avoid her notice.

"Uncle Jack, Uncle Jack!" she exclaimed. "Come quick! Uncle Gabe is sick."

Jack's brows drew together as he followed her out of the room. "Fareeha, what happened?" Gabriel had been fine this morning. 

"I was showing him the rabbit I had gotten in my Easter basket. We put the batteries in the remote, but it wouldn't turn on no matter how many times I tried to turn it on! All of a sudden, Uncle Gabe groaned in pain and fell to the floor." Fareeha looked up at him, her eyes wide. "I've never seen him make that face before. He said to get you, Uncle Jack, since you'd know what to do. He said it was an emergency, and that you were the only one who could help."

Fareeha led him to one of the lounges, and the moment he saw Gabriel kneeling on the floor, he rushed over to his side. The other man hunched over, arms hugging his middle, the knuckles white and trembling where he gripped the fabric of his shirt in a too-tight grip. His eyes slit open when Jack set a comforting hand on his lower back. This close, Jack could hear his heavy breathing punctuated by the occasional groan.

Had he eaten something bad? Jack wracked his mind, trying to remember what they had eaten for breakfast. Even if Gabriel had scarfed down five pounds of chocolate like he'd done the first Valentine's Day they'd spent together, he wouldn't get a stomach ache. Since the SEP, neither of them had ever gotten sick. It just wasn't something that happened anymore, right along with them trying—and failing—to get drunk unless they downed copious amounts of pure alcohol. 

"Gabe, what's wrong? Fareeha said you'd suddenly collapsed. If you're still injured from that field mission, you should be taking it easy. Why don't you—"

"Jack," Gabriel cut him off and dragged him close, his voice pitched low enough that Fareeha couldn't hear. "She has the wrong remote. The one for her toy is in the kitchen. The one she has is—" Gabriel hissed out a breath, teeth gritted together.

For a moment, the Strike Commander of Overwatch sat there, blinking at his husband in disbelief. Surely, he had misheard him, or more likely, he was misinterpreting the implication.

Oh, fuck. Ana was going to _kill_ them if she ever found out.

"Stay here," Jack said as he scrambled to his feet. 

Gabriel slapped his shin none too gently, and as Jack turned to herd Fareeha out of the room, he thought he heard him growl, "Where the exactly am I going to fucking go, smart-ass?" 

Once outside the lounge, Jack knelt down so he was eye level with the child. "Fareeha, bring your rabbit to the kitchen, okay? The remote for your toy is there, and Uncle Gabe assured me he put in the right batteries. He's not feeling too well, so I'm going to take him back to our room, okay?" 

"But what about this remote?" she asked, holding out the familiar device for him to inspect. 

"That remote is for… oh! It's for one of our toys. May I please have it back?" He held out his hand, the palm flat and open. Thankfully, Fareeha put the remote down, and Jack quickly flicked the switch to turn the plug off, tucking it back into his pocket. 

"Oh!" Fareeha exclaimed. "What kind of toys? Can we play with them together later, Uncle Jack?" 

Internally, Jack winced. Think of something, think of something… "Unfortunately, Fareeha, you have to be older in order to play with those toys." 

"But I'm almost five! That's old enough." She pouted. 

"I know, sweetheart. You're growing up so fast. If you _really_ want to know, why don't you ask your mother to explain?" He rose to his feet and ruffled her hair. "Now, run off to the kitchen and get your rabbit to work, okay? The egg hunt is going to start soon, too, and you don't want to miss it." 

"Oh, right!" Fareeha raced off down the hall, her shoes squeaking against the floor. With any luck, she'd be so distracted by the festivities of the day, she would forget all about the incident this morning. 

Heaving a long sigh, Jack turned back to the lounge where Gabriel had dragged himself to one of the couches. 

"Better?" Jack asked, walking over to him. 

"You know already the answer to that." Gabriel shuddered and adjusted the front of his jeans, where he was still half-hard. "She kept turning the damn thing up and down. Thought I was going to cream my pants like a fucking teenager." Gabriel rose to his feet with a wince. "I'm going to head back to the room and get this thing out. Want to help?" 

Jack rolled his eyes. "Like you even have to ask, Gabe." 

Gabriel grinned at him and sauntered out of the room, the exaggerated sway of his hips very, very deliberate. Thankfully, they didn't encounter anyone else in the hall, and despite Jack wanting to pin his husband against the nearest hard, flat surface and kiss him until his fluttering nerves settled, he resisted the urge until they stepped into their shared quarters. 

As the door closed behind them with a metallic hiss, however, Jack decided to change his plans when Gabriel motioned for him to wait. 

"I had it all planned out, y'know," Gabriel said, his voice low and husky. "Noticed the basket last night after you left the room to get those chocolates from your office, and I couldn't help myself. Of _course_ the first thing I saw was that new plug. How the fuck could I not?" Gabriel shifted his weight, a shudder rolling through his entire body at the memory. "Slipped it inside this morning while in the shower, and when the time was right, I was planning to hand you the remote all casual-like, just to surprise you. Been wanting to try it ever since you let it slip that you wanted to experiment with this sort of thing. The damn thing is so fucking quiet, you could tease me all fucking day and no one else would notice unless I—" Gabriel cut himself off with a gasp of breath as the rest of his sentence dissolved into a strangled moan.

Jack smirked from where he leaned against the door, arms crossed over his chest, the remote in hand. His thumb rolled over the dial with a casual ease, adjusting the the strength of the vibrations, eyes fixated on the man half-bent over in the middle of their shared quarters. He felt like a predator inspecting its prey and his grin widened. 

"Oh, you don't have to worry, Gabe. Rest assured, I'm going to enjoy playing with you until you can't come anymore, much less remember your own name."

"Jack, you goddamn tease, I'm going to— _fuck!_ " Gabriel's knees buckled as Jack turned up the dial on the remote to the second-highest setting.

"Trust me, Gabe, that's _eggsactly_ the plan I have in mind." Jack turned to input the security code into the panel beside the door, hearing it lock with a cheerful beep. Behind him, Gabriel's labored breathing and muffled moans drowned out the buzz of the vibrator. Jack heard him muttering curses, and he strained his ears to catch something about filing a divorce if he said one more pun. "Athena?"

"Yes, Strike Commander Morrison?"

"Apologize to Ana and everyone else for me, please? Unfortunately, Commander Gabriel and I are going to be _indisposed_ for the rest of the day."

* * *

"You know, Gabe, I would have thought you would have stopped trying to _egg_ me on by now," Jack idly remarked. He didn't look up from his holopad, even when Gabriel moaned. Instead, he hid his smirk behind the edge of the screen, one side displaying the settings for the vibrating plug in Gabriel's ass and the other side scrolling through the climactic chapter of a self-indulgent romance novel he'd purchased on a whim. After all, he needed to keep himself occupied with something _something_ while he waited to see what would last longer: his patience or Gabriel's endurance. 

So far, he was winning, but not by much. 

"How else am I going to get you to pay attention to— _God_ _fucking dammit, Jack!"_ Gabriel exclaimed. The mattress creaked as he shifted his weight _,_ rocking his hips in the air in a desperate attempt at getting any kind of friction on his aching cock. "You've been teasing me for hours. First with the fucking plug shoved into my ass and then by making me watch you fuck one of those goddamn silicone eggs. And then you couldn't even—" Gabriel hissed as Jack set the vibration pattern to random, the expression of pained pleasure on his face downright _intoxicating_ to watch. 

"You couldn't even come on my face like I asked, you bastard," Gabriel continued. "You've made me come so many times, I think you fucking broke my dick. Aren't you _tired_ yet?" he panted out through gritted teeth, struggling against his bonds. The handcuffs rattled against the headboard and Gabriel whimpered. Oh, sure, he could break them if necessary—and in their youth, they'd learned precisely what their enhanced bodies could handle—but that wasn't the point to this exercise, oh no. 

Jack snorted and shook his head. "Only if you are. You good for another round?"

"What do you think, asshole?" 

Jack glanced over at the man bound to their bed, and he swore under his breath at the sight. Gabriel knelt there, thighs spread to display his half-hard cock, tear-stained cheeks flushed a dark red. When Gabriel caught his lower lip between his teeth, his eyes bright with eagerness, gaze fixated on _him_ of all the possible things, Jack reached down to squeeze his own cock, thumbing over the leaking slit. 

"Just wanted to make sure," Jack murmured, closing out of the reading application without taking his eyes off of the sight of an absolutely fucked-out Gabriel spread out on their bed. Neither of them were going to last much longer. 

"Yes, yes. You're a wonderful Dom, the safe word is 'butter dish,' and no, that doesn't count as me saying it," Gabriel ground out, his dick twitching with every useless thrust of his hips. "Now come over here and let me suck you off already, since you can't be bothered to shut me up any other way. I've been dying to get my mouth on your cock since this morning, so hurry the fuck up already!" 

"Fuck, Gabe," Jack breathed out as he rose to his feet on shaking legs and stumbled over to the bed. Once his knees brushed against the mattress, he reached over and twisted the chain of the handcuffs free from the headboard, allowing Gabriel to drop his arms. "Come here."

Gabriel scrambled to the edge of the bed, leaning forward without any further prompting. He slides his mouth onto him and Jack groans, one hand fisted in the sweat-slick curls atop Gabriel's head, the other clutching the tablet for dear life. Jack looked down and met Gabriel's wet, pleading eyes, deep groans punctuated by loud smacks of his lips as he swallowed Jack down to the root. 

"That's it, Gabe," Jack encouraged, shuddering when he noticed Gabriel cradling his own cock between his bound hands, thick and leaking onto the bed sheets. He slid his thumb across the smooth glass screen and Gabriel _wailed_ around him as the vibrations of the plug increased to the highest setting. 

Jack came with a shout, fucking deep into Gabriel's throat. The other man swallowed down his release with a practiced ease, tonguing across his cock to chase the last droplets of his come when he pulled out. Jack sank down to his knees on the bed and knocked Gabriel's hands out of the way to finish him off. 

He didn't— _couldn't_ —have lasted long, even if he hadn't come so many times before. 

Gabriel's come dribbled out of his spent cock, joining the drying, tacky come splattered across his stomach and hips from earlier. He slumped forward, utterly and completely relaxed, his eyes sliding closed in bliss as Jack worked him through his final orgasm. Jack caught him and guided him down to the bed, stroking his hair back from his forehead. 

Jack reached over for his tablet and shut off the plug. He rolled Gabriel onto his side and carefully worked it free, making a soothing noise in his throat when Gabriel whimpered from the overstimulation. When Gabriel held out his bound hands, Jack opened the cuffs, set them aside, and massaged the reddened skin of his wrists, pressing gentle kisses to the bruises. They would heal within a day, but that wasn't the point. 

When Gabriel seemed relaxed enough, Jack reached over for the damp towels resting in a bowl on the nightstand and slowly began to clean him up, murmuring quiet words of encouragement and praise as he worked. 

"Next time, I'm going to tie you up, slap a cock ring on you, and not let you come until I finish my AAR," Gabriel grumbled. 

"Oh?" Jack raised a blond brow as he began to wipe the washcloth across Gabriel's torso, taking care to keep the pressure gentle against the other man's over-sensitive skin.

"Uh-huh. You can sit there all nice and pretty beneath my desk and suck me off like a good little cock warmer, and if you're good, I'll give you a reward," Gabriel purred, the effect ruined when Jack smoothed the washcloth over his chest and he let out an undignified squeak when the rough material caught against a sensitive nipple.

Jack snorted at Gabriel's indignated pout. "Let me guess. You saw my wish list?"

"Guess you'll just have to wait and find out, huh?"

Jack laughed and pressed a kiss to Gabriel's cheek. "I'm looking forward to it, but let's keep our toys away from Fareeha next time, okay?"

Before Gabriel could reply, the shrill ring of his phone cut through the air. Jack reached for it on the nightstand and answered it without thinking to check the name on the screen: a grave mistake. 

"Morrison here. What's the situation?"

"Jack," Ana greeted, her voice sweet and deceptively calm, "Fareeha told me the most _fascinating_ story. I just had to check up on you two after she asked me a very strange question. So tell me: how is Gabriel feeling?"

Oh, fuck. _She knew._

**Author's Note:**

> This is the part where I yell, "April Fools!" because you all were expecting angst and _surprise_ , there is none to be found. ~~Well, in this piece, anyway.~~
> 
> Happy Easter!


End file.
